“You can’t fight demons with demons. You fight demons with Angels.”
MY SON AT AGE12.
Conceptualizations of learnings along my path
April 3, 2022: was rock bottom. I began journaling 2 days later, and haven’t stopped since.
April 5-10, 2022:
Relapse is a greater possibility if you do not shift from Addictive State of Mind (angry, blaming others) to Recovery State of Mind (I am not a bad person, the addiction makes me a bad person. Focus on the journey with proudness and acceptance; not on anyone else’s which I cannot control)
Relapse = Rethink
Non-judgmental curiousity is the gateway to limitlessness
Drinking and exercise: extremes exercise compliments extreme drinking. It does not offset it. Extremes stick together
Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms (PAWS) - find endorphins from new, adaptive sources, not from drinking
“You can’t fight demons with demons. You fight demons with Angels.”
April 15, 2022:
As long as there is no alcohol in my body, I am not a bad person
Get up and do the changes. Do not feel sorry for yourself
Have I wanted to make myself suffer? To punish myself, make myself be in physical pain, in so much emotional and mental pain? I thought I deserved to be in pain because of what happened to me. This is FLAWED THINKING - I cannot consume myself with punishment
⁃ INSTEAD -
I fucked up. A LOT. Now, let me get up. I want to give my family relief and healing by them seeing me getting my shit together, so they can relax and have hope for our future
April 16, 2022:
Relapse can happen in a split second with life-altering, devastating consequences. Fall in love with the journey of recovery
The ability to label feelings allows you to manage them, to avoid panic which creates anxiety, which causes the need to drink to “eliminate” the anxiety and the heavy emotions attached to it
“MAD, GLAD, SAD” - Identify a daily activity for each of the three emotions. This is a helpful practice in labelling emotions and to accept all emotions. Don’t judge your feelings because they will always change, whether “good” or “bad”. Rather, accept them. Then, find tools to turn yourself to “GLAD”
April 19, 2022:
Desperation is a gift. Treat it as such.
The shift is happening. Reward yourself by spending time with people you care for instead for rewarding yourself with feeding the addictive mindset. Disconnect from enabling influences
Giving forgiveness is not accepting my behaviour. Instead ,use it to let go of negative beliefs, move forward with love
Self-hatred is in so many forms: relationships, being late, not being physically active, to name a few
Understanding creates compassion
My actions were not intentionally to be a bad person. I was a broken person. When you know better, you do better.
